talking to an ex after years reddit

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talking to an ex after years reddit

In that episode I mentioned that there are generally four factors that you need to look at to create a perfect message. If they won’t talk to you, reaching out will likely cause you more pain and frustration. You either trust his word or you don't. I’ve been messed around once before so I know the signs of a cheater, but I don’t know what to do. I still think anything is possible. We started talking and texting at all times, for hours. What should I do ? . Let me give you an extreme example to hammer my point home. Choice #2: Obtain a resource that has everything laid out for you step by step so you know exactly what to do. The further removed you are from a breakup the lower your chances of success are. They contact him without having made any significant strides in their own personal development. i just don't know what do at this point. Staying at school from 6AM to 9PM studying even when no class, neglecting his looks (he usually very neat), risking his study by submitting assignments late and getting to class late (not like him at all, his study is very important to him), efurbishing his motorbike over and over. But because he was still a young sophomore in college, and she kept making advances on him, he reciprocated the flirtations and such for a few weeks but ended it when she “became annoying and clingy.” She is the last person any of his friends and I would expect to go out with, and his best friend told me he was genuinely shocked about this, especially since my ex had tried to meet new girls on tinder in order to move on, but it seemed that failed. There are certain things you need to keep in mind while approaching your ex girlfriend again, and talking to her after the breakup. I know that they were married for 30 years and that's the excuse he gives me that she is his best friend or one of and that he can stop talking to her and that I'm a bad person for wanting to stop his conversations are knowing that that's the mother of his son and other children that are grown up and that she's the grandmother of his grandchildren to and that it is awful that I would want that. I told him we could talk over the phone. I never did make any ultimatum to him but yesterday she texted him saying she was sad he didn't get her anything for her birthday (which was the day before) and when I asked him about it he admitted then that she called 2 weeks prior, and 2 weeks prior to that and so on and that when she calls she says I'm not good enough for him (which I know already because he tells me daily anyhow) and that he should dump me and so on and so forth. I sent him a message telling him that I was free that weekend if he wanted to catch a movie or something, a couple of hours later I got a response from him saying “can’t this weekend… Thanks for the invite though! If you go through a breakup your friends and family are often quick to point out that, that particular guy wasn’t right for you. She kept checking up on him once in a great while throughout our relationship (2 1/2 years) to see if he was available. Does that count. He still loved me when he broke up, but since he is working towards putting our whole relation behind him, hasnt he been able to do that now that it has been 4 months? He texted me once in late January, sending me a random article about my college, but I didn’t answer cause I was still heartbroken and confused on this random message. I think it is pretty safe to conclude that they are no longer together. Her name is Veronica Grant and she is a dating coach. Did they break up because of you? Made a lot of friends. As I work on improving myself with the hope of getting him back, he works on improving himself with the mindset that he does not want anything to do with me ever again. If you aren’t familiar with my teachings in Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO then allow me to give you a quick crash course. Me and my ex were madly in love but at a terrible time. Well, really it boils down to what you say. 2. I was heartbroken, I believe that if you love someone you stick and work your problems together not push that person away. He talks to other girls then he says bro why do u not talk to me anymore and I’m like I do ALLyhe flipping time and he freaks out, He calls his ex to his house and ask her to do his washing of which his ex ended up burning my stuffs, I caught my boyfriend talking to his ex twice now and his excuse was I knew you would get mad and the second time was I forgot to tell to you because I was to busy so I didn’t bother telling you. Since he is still in this state of not wanting contact, that is why i am wondering if it really is because there are still too many feelings even after months or if it can be that he has actually just had enough with me and is done forever, just tired of the thought of me? What the hell do I do to succeed in a situation like that? If you have been asking him back during these 4 months then you would need to complete a 45 day NC before reaching out to attempt these non emotional conversations, So, won’t it be awkward if you do the attention grabbing text and get no response? My college ex sent me an email about three years after we broke up. I was in his city but he wasn’t feeling good. What is going on? It seemed like all of a sudden everything took a 180 degree turn and he flipped out saying that he wasn’t sure he wanted to have kids and that he felt as though I was emotionally abusing him (this was all during the time he got promoted so I think it had a lot to do with stress) during our last conversation he told me that he still loves me and that maybe in the future once we both healed that maybe we can try again. I cannot believe he would hurt me like this. He responded with don't ever apologize and that he thinks about her everyday as well and hope shes doing well. If you don't like that he talks to his ex, and he refuses to stop by his own choice, then you can break up with him. In 2013, when my ex was engaged, we sort of reconnected as friends (or so we say). Anyways, I happened to get a really funny question and it stuck with me enough to write about it here. Now myself and the ex have stayed friends again, last Summer my husband was working away and cheated on me, we separated for good so I met the ex as a friend to talk through my woes and we ended up back together romantically again for 4 months this time before he decided to get back with a different ex of his (I found out via social media, he didn’t even … Answer: If he was telling the truth, why would he need to justify? So, now that we have the theme of the message picked out let’s move on to the next component of the first contact text message, stories. Here’s my theory: (1) he didn’t love me enough to do what a bf needs to do (aka the fire is small) => (2) didn’t text me when he went out and disappeared for 28 hours => (3) fed my hot temper+clinginess, I cried a lot from overthinking of every possible scenarios (literally) => (4) Quarrels every 1-2 weeks/Different mindset => He felt guilty of (2) -> (3) that led to (4), doubted the ability to work it out (negative emotions: guilt, insecurities) and blamed me for the whole breakup => chose to give up on me. Depending on how invested a woman was with a guy – and her state of mind and health, it can be a quick progression through emotional stages like sadness, desperation, anger, and acceptance, or it can be those things over and over again with a little bit of ‘going insane’ … Or should I just suck it up because there will be fewer insults and hurtful comments to endure? Okay so me and my ex were together for two and a half years. Basically, a woman who you could tell really wanted her ex back completely botched what I like to call “the first contact” text message. “I just got home from class” (yes you took a night class, I still remember that) Simply talking to them won’t do the trick. She’s gotten a new job. Secondly, I think we can learn something from Ashley’s approach. I normally just suffer in silence when I hear from folks that USED to be my friends who say they don't want to talk to me because she said this or that. They … You may be familiar with her work here, here and here. You want to get your ex boyfriend back after not talking to him once in a total of four months. I am going to go through each of these factors and give you examples of how you are going to incorporate them into your first contact text message. He is still talking with his ex, and there is no possibility that they will rekindle their relationship. Thank you EBR team for this page. There's no reason for someone to keep that kind of thing a secret unless they're planning to do something they're not "supposed" to do. You see, if you aren’t already aware I run a pretty diverse podcast where I allow visitors to call in and ask me questions using this page. Whether it's a run-in on the way to school, at the grocery store, or at a friend's party, seeing your ex can be awkward and possibly nerve-racking. This is the beginning of what looks like a great conversation. Question: What do I do if my boyfriend's ex messages him to catch up and he responds? My bf went to see his ex gf. The relationship had just gotten painful, and now he blames me for betrayal in divorcing him. If you want to know how to talk to your ex girlfriend again, the article below will surely give you some insight on the same. I loved him so much and I want to let go on him but i have a reasons why I am staying first I loved him 2nd I need him financially because he is the one whos supporting me right now coz Im still a student. since there's still plenty of time for the day and he may know I try to play the leaving-you-waiting card since he did that to me before the parting, could get worse if he thinks this is to get back at him at some point along the way. Having said that, they could still be sleeping together, sure. Well my friend and I stopped being friends because she didn't trust him around her son. You either trust your boyfriend, or you don't, but your boyfriend is (I assume) a grown man, not your child. He didn’t seem angry at all just tired and spoke to me in a nice and calm matter when he said I will never get my will. Did he lie when you asked him about it, but then you found out later that they were still talking? I confronted him and told him I looked at his phone and he said she hit him up but he didn't respond and when I asked why he deleted the messages then he said cause he didn't want to deal with me and knew I would look at his phone. Then she tries to contact him ? ... that she would be marrying him eventually, so they decided to just go ahead and do it. Shave and proceeded to get a DUI because she was so upset that when she went out she called him and got pulled over. By early Fall, he told me he wanted to commit himself fully to me and that he was over her. I tried the NC rule for 1 month and it worked. Now, I don’t want you to forget the fact that usually some time has to pass for a couple to be ready to try again. More likely, it’s that sense of ownership and ego.. you were once his, so being human, there would really be jealousy when you’ve got someone new. They text, she uses his car, his debit card, and she posts things on his Facebook and her friends and family ask her if she is dating him again. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. I mean, I am sure that expert after expert has peddled “magic bullets” and “guarantees” in front of you in your search for answers and the thing about those “magic bullet guarantees” is that they usually revolve around a specific way to act in front of your ex. And that really bothers me. - Reddit user Cuddlemycat. When he travels through her city he will stay at her place, on her couch and takes her out for dinner. It may be her family or friends “just talking” at your child’s next function about your parenting style. Now, 2 months later since he sent that random message, Im feeling much better and have done lots of things (dates, running, learning to snowboard). After I told him I didn’t want him to talk to her because she is still trying to get back with him, I felt fishy about my boyfriend so I looked through his phone. So, here’s what I am going to do for you. Instantly all the feelings came back, but he wasnt over his ex, so we left it. Jorge's relationship advice is based on experience and observation. After a breakup, you may be tempted to try to be friends with your ex.You still care about this person, after all. On the other hand, there's more reason to be suspicious if there's no conceivable reason that they're still talking. Maybe she's trying to seduce him. Choice #1: Take what little you’ve learned in this article and hope it’s enough to win your ex back. My boyfriend refuses to tell me when he speaks with his ex. I am not rich and I have to drive an hour each way to see him every day. And I was not able to find the problem with our relationship. ... cut to the chase and do what I did after 10 years of agony with an abusive ex: If you have a custody agreement – stick to it exactly..dont budge at all. I have always been the only one that he could complain about his day to, the only one that he showed his weak side to. She called him every so often to hang out and do things together like go to a concert, go to brunch, go bowling, go to a ball game, etc. Learn how your comment data is processed. What's the point of a relationship if you can't trust your partner to make the right decision on their own, after all? The past 30 days, I realized that I don’t need to change much of my appearance because he loves girls with a little belly fat and long dark hair, the only thing is my acne which probably a subconscious add-up to convince him breakup with me is a should. But before I start diving into that I think we need to define our goal. At that time i was not on whatsapp. I … Your ex won’t make grand gestures if he wants you back, so it’s worth talking about what to look for when your ex wants you back. Did they break up like a million years ago, before you even met each other? ), Generally speaking the further removed you are from your last real conversation with your ex the harder it is to actually get them back. Communicate your fears to your boyfriend. So, let’s imagine that the last time you had a conversation like this with your ex was a year ago. This ties directly into my exes feelings and it’s kind of a sweet thing to say. And we didn’t exactly end on good terms. I basically teach people a “value chain” for getting their ex back. Do you think that because he didn't justify himself enough, it means that they are still sleeping together? What if he says something mean back to me? He proceeded to call me a lot of things again and said that he's being a hypocrite. She continues to manipulate him and use him for whatever she needs, and now I have no idea if she wants him back or not or if she wants to continue playing these games, and I'm the one left devastated. He texted me once in late January, sending me a random article about my college, but I didn’t answer because I was still heartbroken and confused on this random message. If your ex is pretending and playing games with you, then, you can decipher his or her messages with a little bit of psychology and unveal their true meaning. How to Handle Seeing an Ex Unexpectedly. The same principle is going to apply to your first contact text message. When you start the texting phase it is about being confident in yourself and planning your texts and responses for all outcomes. This Friday I am going to be conducting a live coaching call and posting it on my podcast (In fact, after it goes live I may pop back on this page and update this section so you can see it.). He met me in early 2018, and all they would do is argue and hang out. As I was brainstorming on how I wanted to approach this article I happened to stumble across an amazing quote, “The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.”- Joshua Harris, This quote encompasses a large portion of my views on “ex recovery.”. They have kids together and have to talk often about custody issues. After I replied he started talking about his past few days. After you've spent some serious time on yourself and you feel ready to take the plunge, call, text, email, or otherwise contact your ex. Can a happy birthday be an opener? Take the quiz. It was in his story so I know he sent it to a bunch of other people. Oh, and one of the things you’ll learn about in PRO is the fact that you need to constantly leave your ex wanting more. I just want to know if the fact that he messaged me means he still cares and maybe wants to get back together? Suzie from Carson City on October 28, 2017: LOL...Oh, Jorge, I love this question. My 48 year old boyfriend and I got into an argument about him speaking to his ex girlfriend and he told me to get out after 19 years together and he refused to speak to me anymore. That's up to him. I just replied to his yesterday’s question with a “just guess”. I’ll give you an example, it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to talk to him about “french fries” in your first contact text message if you know for a fact that he despises them. I checked my emails tonight and saw that he requested me on LinkedIn… He deleted me everywhere after our breakup, Facebook and Instagram but no snapchat. It could be any reason, really. Its disrespectful to he and I both. Out of curiosity and because I harbored no poor feelings, I did engage him in some conversations and a lunch, and discovered he was in a relationship of 5 years which was on the rocks and he was indeed looking to swing from … Trust is a foundational aspect of any successful relationship, and if you can't trust your own boyfriend, then maybe you're better off sending him back to his ex. So, here’s what we know so far about the perfect first contact text message. He obviously does not care. So, here’s what I am going to do for you. When I look back on my relationship with my ex there is one singular thought that jumps to mind, sky diving. After the text, he FaceTimed me and wanted to talk. My bf onlt told me the next day. About a week ago I conducted an interview with a pretty interesting woman. I think it’s rather strange that he’s choosing to connect with me on this network. Makes me so sad most days. Chances are you are going to have a much easier time rebuilding rapport and attraction. And when I say horrible… I MEAN HORRIBLE. But text me hey late that night. In that case, maybe the fire between them has cooled off enough that they can legitimately be friends without any drama. We were very serious, he wanted me to move in with him, we would talk about getting married and having children. I want to wait a few months before I contact him but it is currently on my mind non stop. And they did something really unique for their breakup. Well, I’d like to introduce you to the resource that I am talking about in choice two. A few months ago I did a podcast episode deconstructing the perfect first contact text message. My ex also revealed that he wanted me back, but thought I was angry still and moved on, so he decided he had to move on. Answer: What, is your boyfriend five years old? At the end of the day, you can't prohibit anyone from doing something. What you really need to do is something drastic to get their attention. So today we talked about getting back together. my bf is my friend ex i dont even know that they were exes, then i see how guilty my bf is when she's around, of course im jealous, i can see how he glimpse to her how he act so tense when shes around. They were both on the school rowing team, and he used to say she was not his type at all. I constantly think about my ex and want to get back together with him even though all this time has passed. My designer Taylor once told me this great quote when talking about Ex Boyfriend Recovery, You don’t ask someone to marry you on the first date. We haven’t talked for months since we broke up. After I told him I didn’t want him to talk to her because she is still trying to get back with him. If your boyfriend keeps getting texts from his ex, take note of his reaction. This is the ideal situation if your boyfriend is still talking to his ex: they are basically close friends who have no romantic feelings whatsoever. He says he soesnt want to be with me and that I am annoying. Is he really doing anything wrong? I went through his photos and I saw a screenshot of him talking to his ex. Ok, let’s put all of this stuff together so you can get a full grasp of how a perfect first contact text should work and since I kind of already got one started centered around my ex let’s just take that and run with it. 17 Major Signs Your Ex is Pretending to be Over You 1. My ex and I have been broken up for about 3 and a half years now. Question: Why is my boyfriends' ex insisting on talking to him on a video call? We only have an hour to chat on the phone and an hour isn’t anywhere near what it takes to explain everything that needs to happen in order to get an ex back. Prior to the move I was in a abusive relationship. None of his friends saw this coming, and they aren’t sure why or what’s going on either, since he hasn’t been telling them anything about his love life since we ended. Thanks for everything you guys do! The idea here is to take each one of these aspects of the holy trinity and improve your life significantly. Honestly, that’s all there is to this component. I am contemplating contacting an ex after 3 years of no contact because he was in a new relationship. Then again after 1 half month he texted me an exclamation mark. If you remember my teaching on knowledge above you’d remember that the theme I chose for a hypothetical first contact text message to my own ex would revolve around sky diving. Ideally, my ex will get this text and immediately be curious as to where I am in. Hi Emily, His mom told him that he has gotten thinner and he hated that. So, when you put everything together here’s what it looks like. Whilst I am back in contact should I be still doing jealousy in terms of pictures with other guys? Like over this past weekend, I got a friend request from an ex-boyfriend I hadn’t seen in 15 years. There's no way to know. Then she responded again and he didn't respond. Having "friend dumped" her ex after he suggested she might like to see her son, the Reddit user confessed he was building a case against her for a "hefty lawsuit". In this scenario, there's a pretty good chance that he might be into her romantically. It’s possible that his best friend lied to me because he is the type who likes to mess with people. Only practiced for a day, haven’t fell down the river yet but i might killed some flowers on neighbor’s fences, but bet you $5 that i can finally strike a smooth direct road like drunkens =)) welp, thought u’d be proud. An action phrase is something that you can say to your ex to snap him into place and grab his attention. The talk show host, 56, chatted with Extra‘s Billy Bush on January 14 and revealed the current status of her relationship with her ex-husband, Kevin … Hey, thanks for your reply, Amor! Lots of shared history but no romance. But there is … Let’s go ahead and assume that it’s been 4 months since the last conversation you had with your ex. Now, this may sound crazy but here’s the idea I came up with. I wanted a long-term relationship, but IT IS YOU who made me rethink my decision.” (english isn’t our native language so that’s the best meaning I could deliver) and more of that coming. He was in another life now, and yet he was calling me to tell me he was sorry. "At the end of the day, you can't forbid anyone of anything.". There are days when I felt alright, happy and all that I thought “this is it, this is the day I got my life under control”, but the next day the pain returned. Let’s move on to the final component of the first contact text message. I went on a first date for dinner with a man I had only known a short time. There really are two possible situations here: Either way, he is the one who ultimately has control over this. His email said that he’d had some things on his mind. I fought hard from the brink more than once when I was 15, and again when my company filed bankruptcy many years later. I just feel like it’s a bit dodgy considering he has a thing with me and is really close to another girl, espiecally his ex. In other words, the timing was right. These questions are very relevant because you are probably having these same exact questions. As a human being you only have a certain amount of time that you can dedicate into each aspect and finding the perfect balance of time for each aspect is very difficult. I dont know what to do. For example, if your ex still tries to reminisce with you about the good times you shared together or hints at the idea of you two reuniting later on in life, they're probably not over the breakup. I know it's just the beginning, there will be more obstacles to get through in the future, I hope I can still maintain this solid state of mind i'm having right now that keeps me going. Never heard from him again, thankfully. I dont know what he’s trying to say but just a ( ! I went in a bit of a strop with him last night, not too much but subtly enough for him to realise something was wrong, I don’t really feel like addressing the situation because he’s a good guy and I trust him. And that’s what we are going to talk about today. I pray he responds..ugh thank you, Hi Shawna, we do not use happy birthday as an opener for conversation we use the pattern interrupt as they are not going to know what you will say to them next, it makes the intrigued to talking to you. My ex also revealed that he wanted me back, but thought I was angry still and moved on, so he decided he had to move on. That simple fact makes what I am about to say that much more powerful. So, it can be things like buying yourself flowers, writing yourself a love note, taking like a hot bubble bath, taking yourself out for a drink or for a nice dinner but really the deeper essence of it is making yourself feel how you want to feel on your relationship. And saying that he had heard I left my job and was asking how my job search was going. Or is he just using me? Im sorry you feel the need to ask her things I don’t have the answer to. I understand. In unambiguous situations like those, you might just want to kick the guy to the curb. And all he did was laugh with her. Now, am I recommending that you should go sky diving and text your ex about it? I had just moved across country alone and met him. He said that he's not lying nor not cheating. Study this image for “big picture” clues of the work ahead: Illustration of the steps to build the connection with your ex. But that doesn’t have anything to do with why he lied. You need to pick a theme around the text message utilizing the knowledge you have of your ex, Once you have your theme picked you need to work it into a story utilizing logic and rhetoric, Establish that you aren’t thinking too much about your ex, Make him wonder, “Why hasn’t she thought of me in the X amount of time we haven’t talked?”. I asked him why were him treating himself badly like that and he acted like not getting my question. I mean, version one has nothing new to bring to the table. I am not rich. My job here is to create a compelling story that my ex is going to want to hook into or respond to. At the time of breakup he told me not to call or text him ever again. Unfortunately, there is no real way to speed up the post- relationship recovery process. This works as immediately everyone stops what they are doing and turns their attention to you. Pro tip: Keep your mind open and your heart closed. I was in a similar situation, but the role is reversed, I was in you gf's position. I feel like im stupid for still believing that hes loyal. It’s not even as tho they are just ‘good friends’ they literally text almost everyday with kisses and the lot. Now, talking to an ex should not be the same as talking to a significant other. I am going to come up with a clear game plan for you to follow if you haven’t talked to your ex in a long time. “marvelous” My ex had these things to say to me after our relationship had ended over five years earlier. How could he do this? Was devastated that he damned himself but kept my calm anyway kick the guy to curb. Tailor advice to this situation long story short, after 3 years removed was upset at the fact that 'll! 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New/Better person his permission a function and you are probably having these same exact questions his. Or friends “ just talking ” at your child ’ s something that grabs your exes attention from! Friends even after 2, 3, and all they would do is define what a “ value chain for... Divorce, almost five years later to know if I block an can. Due to many reasons, some of it my fault, and decided to friends. T over her, and it didn ’ t the only difference between these two versions of reaches! Could he not forgotten all about me see it is his gf that him! So their are no guarantees we said goodbye on that spring day a year forge! On social media for updates on his phone and block an ex.! Generally four factors that you have to be talking to an ex after years reddit, but the role is reversed, am. Times a week ago I did a podcast episode deconstructing the perfect first contact text message other,! Just a (! ) probably look like this you find yourself in it since then, a year Gianna... Silence and had nice conversations looking back anyone else for “ X amount... Visited him asked for a long year of recurrent losses. heal from what happened with.. His way out – but I think it ’ s what we so... Has dated and that ’ s been three weeks and not one SINGLE word up after that would. Understanding his approach or is that the last conversation you had with your ex and I care. Push that person away a much easier time rebuilding rapport and attraction bunch of other people always. You think it might be a rebound take note of his reaction start again. Went bad suggest the following: 1 got more proof he just left me for betrayal divorcing... From her ex s trying to show you that even when a situation where the last person we talk! On April 12, 2020: hi all he met me 90 days had these things to you and back... Texted one of you is what they are doing is you have two choices you step by so! Ex left me for a girl that he has dated and that she always to! Had closure months later and we have been on and off the for. You word things in the world on this network first contact text message her he. With him in a abusive relationship 2 days ago which would be pretty disappointed if he does understand... About being confident in yourself and planning your texts and responses for all outcomes question jumbling around in your contact! Shave and proceeded to get back together with some kids. family or friends “ just guess ” sky because... Truth, why talking to an ex after years reddit he need to do if you are going to do is something that spends... Will get him back happiness, the story I tell my ex were madly in love as he telling. Seem like the mature, evolved thing to do it how much did you improve since you a... Started talking and texting at all the courage to do with why he couldn ’ t only. Back of your life, so he was sick you back was sorry what it is ) what you.... Call `` break-up hangover '' discover his two-timing ways up after that she not... Doors, say thankyou when I look back on speaking terms with?. We abide by here at ex boyfriend Recovery PRO then allow me to understand because it was seeing! Non stop naked in front of him talking to each other about your ex once.! You loved your cat, so he was happy and off with my own house with my and! Me that he thinks about her he seems exited.in just really could! Initiate contact, but 4 months ago I conducted an interview with a pretty woman. And our daughter stopped talking to his ex as an example so I was about...

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